Pandora

I am glad to hear that University College, Oxford, is takingappropriate steps to protect its most famous student, ChelseaClinton. "Chelsea is entitled to the same privacy as any otherstudent and the College will regard it as a serious disciplinaryoffence if anybody is discovered deliberately giving out informationto the media," reads a letter from the Dean, one Mr Orchard, to allmembers of the college. How do I know this? Because a said member ofthe college has kindly leaked this missive to me. It grieves me thatnot all students at this august institution have taken the Dean'swords to heart, especially not my correspondent. "Does the Dean nowhave official, Stasi-like student informants to monitor and report onall those potentially dangerous midnight discussions?" he asks,"like, have you checked out her clothes ... you know, we're talkingescaped from Hillary's wardrobe!" My source has, however, also workedout an appropriate response to nosey journalists who may apply forinformation. "Sorry, I can't respond to those questions on thegrounds of the privacy and security of everyone here. But have youheard who Belinda is sleeping with?"

SADLY NO one had a tape recorder on hand when Chelsea's fatherBill was a Rhodes Scholar at Oxford, but it turns out that the formerpresident used one to keep audio diaries when he was in the WhiteHouse. "I assume they will be of help to him," says Robert Gottlieb,the man who will edit Clinton's memoirs, of the 80 tapes that thegreat saxophonist made. I expect so. One lawyer who worked forKenneth Starr points out that the tapes would have been ratherhelpful to them too, but it's a bit late for that now.

"Is that William Hague?" shouted a girl at an A-level college inBirmingham when Prince Edward visited on Tuesday. How outrageous. Andhow insulting - to the former Tory leader, I mean. How does Haguefeel about being mixed up with a hopeless baldy whose career is goingdown the tubes? "I really couldn't say what William would think aboutthat," says a shocked member of Hague's staff when we call. "I shallhave to ask him." Please remember the smelling salts when you do.

RAYMOND BLANC has come under fire for describing microwaved foodas "an act of hate". The chef can "ponce about in the kitchenspending hours cooking," said one critic, implying that when time isshort you and I have to rely on the microwave, but fancypants Blancwouldn't understand about that. Not so. I've seen Blanc preparedelicious food in less time than it takes a microwave to ping. Istayed at Blanc's home once over New Year, surfacing late just as hewas dashing off to Le Manoir to prepare lunch. He still managed towhip me up a perfect omelette aux fines herbes in moments.

Sifting through the pile of invitations which daily arrive atPandora, one catches my eye. "Proud Galleries invite you to theopening of An Envelope from Absolutely Fabulous." The opening of anenvelope? Please. We are not Christopher Biggins.

EARLIER THIS year Pandora suggested that a certain Richard Hilton,of the University of London's student executive, had invented anAsian girlfriend in order to qualify to be the union's anti-racismofficer. "At least one student is apparently livid after being widely- and mistakenly - identified as the lucky lady," we reported. Howmortifying, then, to be introduced to Richard's girlfriend the otherday, and to find her to be quite genuine. Why she hesitated toidentify herself at the time, however, is beyond us. Could it be thatshe was somewhat embarrassed to be linked with a Conservative Futureactivist?

On the subject of teenie Tories, a boost, of sorts, to Iain DuncanSmith. Ben Cohen, the 19-year-old internet tycoon who foundedJewish.Net.com, has rejoined the Conservative party. I say "of sorts"because Cohen paid up again so that he could vote for Ken Clarke. ButI expect any help is welcome at the moment.

pandora@independent.co.uk